By Your Side
by marchingon
Summary: It's Addison. The woman with the bomb is Addison." Addek


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AN: Hello everyone! I'm sort of taking a break from my other fic so I could gather my thoughts for it. I have a lot that I want to happen there sooo.. I wrote this one shot. You'll sort of notice how much I love trying to kill Addie. But I actually really really REALLY LOVE HER ROLE. But I'm into damsels in distress and those sort of things so rest assured, she's gonna live in most of my fics. Hahahaha. I hope you enjoy this one. Please tell me what you think. Thank you.

*I do not own Grey's Anatomy, unfortunately.

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"It's Addison. The woman with the bomb is Addison."

For Derek Shepherd, all time seemed to stop, and everything started spinning in a big black hole of confusion. He was breathing hard, lost in thought, trying to make sense of what he'd just heard. _Was it really Addison? Addison the love of my life? The Addison I had ignored and treated like crap in the past year?_ He couldn't believe it. He couldn't. He was panicking inside, trying to keep the tears at bay as his brain was screaming at him to do something, to take action. But he was grounded. His feet felt like they weighed a ton, and he simply couldn't move.

He was brought back to life by the continuous hum of the machine. Tucker was flat lining. He forcefully averted his thoughts from the huge danger his wife was in and concentrated on keeping Tucker alive. All through the rest of the surgery, he had to push thoughts of Addison to the back of his head. He knew better than to let himself get immersed in the hysteria he knew would overcome him. He tried to get his mind off of the possibility of losing her forever. He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't. He tried to think positive, which was proving to be a futile attempt considering how he'd always been passionate about his emotions. His Addison was in danger, and he was helpless to do anything. But really, all he wanted was to be beside her.

----

Addison Shepherd had not exactly given any thought about how she'd die. Especially not since she moved to Seattle. She avoided thinking about it because she didn't know if Derek would care. Didn't know if anyone would notice her gone. What if she was kidnapped one day on her way to work and she went missing for months, would anyone notice? She shook her head at the thought. She had to concentrate on the situation at hand. Her hand was currently held captive by a make shift bomb inside a man's chest. The bomb could explode if mishandled, and she had to stay still if she wanted to stay alive. She tried to stay calm, tried to think logically and stop herself from panicking. She was taking deep breaths, knowing that any one of those breaths could be her last if she made the slightest wrong movement. Addison Montgomery Shepherd was scared.

"I didn't have a chance to tell him I love him.", she said suddenly.

Burke, who sitting adjacent to her and trying to keep her sane, looked at her sympathetically. "You'll have your chance, Montgomery. Later, when you walk out of here unharmed, you can tell him that." He was trying his best to reassure her.

Addison nodded, slowly feeling her tears trickle down her cheeks. "And I… I didn't get a chance to prove to him how sorry I am. I didn't.. I.." Her breath started to get ragged, and she was on her way hyperventilating.

"Addison. You have to calm down. Addie. Look at me." He said it forcefully that Addison reluctantly looked into his eyes. "You're going to be fine. You'll be fine. You're one of the strongest people I know. And we'll all make it out of here alive. Do you understand me?"

She nodded again, wanting nothing more than to wake up from this awful nightmare. She tried to focus on the bright side, on the positive end of the spectrum. If she died… she would die a Shepherd. On her gravestone, she would be labeled Addison Montgomery _Shepherd_. And one way or another she was fulfilling a lifelong dream of hers to stay married to Derek until the day she died. Albeit too soon, at least she would die still married to him. Technically speaking.

"Good." Burke was determined to keep Addison's thoughts away from anything that could make her panic, so he tried to change the topic into something he knew would calm her down. "Now. Tell me about your wedding." Addison's face softened. _Bingo_.

She looked up at him, knowing his intention. She appreciated the effort. "It's funny you should ask. It's our 12th anniversary today", she proudly stated, but with a pain in her voice. Derek had not remembered, just like last year and the year before that. This year, though, it was either he didn't remember, or didn't care at all. "It was… everything I could have dreamed of. I mean, I've always had this childhood thing for a white wedding, and it was everything and more. Derek… he hated planning it and all, but he smiled so radiantly that day that I knew he appreciated it."

"Maybe he smiled at you that way because he was thankful he had you." So far, so good.

"Maybe.", she said, her thoughts drifting to Derek. "He always had his way of making me feel.. loved, especially with his vows. It made me tear up so much we had to pause for a good five minutes before I could say mine." She smiled at the memory. She had been so overwhelmed with what Derek said that it was hard for her to go on without her emotions pouring out.

Burke smiled along with her. "What did he say?"

_Derek Shepherd looked up at the piercing emerald eyes before him. Those eyes, his constant, belonged to Addison, the woman whose hand he was holding and he was about to promise the world to. She had made him the happiest man on earth the day she said yes, and he swore to himself he'd make her as happy as she made him, for the rest of his life._

_He caressed her hand as he held the ring, smiling at the emotions she'd been trying to remain at check. "Don't cry" he whispered, before clearing his throat. "When I think of love, of happiness, of destiny, I think of you," he began, looking straight into Addie's eyes. "I think of the many happy memories we've had, think of the wonderful future we're going to have together. But mostly, I think of the way you've changed my life and made me the man I am today. You have taught me so many things, Addison. You taught me how it is to love without asking for anything in return, unconditionally and with hope. You taught me how to live my life the way I want to, to stop at nothing to be happy. And for that, I am forever grateful. I promise, from this day forth Addie, to love you and make you happy, as happy as you have made me. Because of you, the sun shines brighter, the air is cooler, and my life is so much more meaningful. You are the reason for everything in my world. I vow to you, Addison, to love and honor you until the day I die, to take care of you and keep you safe, to cherish you all the days of my life. I promise that no matter, I will be here for you. No hardship, no trial, will ever keep me away from you. I promise to always be by your side, to be your best friend, your lover, forever. This is my solemn vow to you." Her tears were now streaming down her face unashamedly as he took the ring and gracefully slipped it on her finger. "Take this ring, as a symbol of my everlasting love and loyalty." He took her hand and brought it to his, lightly kissing it and squeezing it. _

Addison thought back to that day, the day they became DerekandAddison officially. "It sounds cheesy, I know, but back then it was the sweetest thing he'd ever said to me."

"It's not cheesy. I'm sure he meant all of it."

"He did.. until I screwed his best friend" she said bitterly.

"We all make mistakes. But he'll come around Addie."

"But when? When is he gonna come around? When I'm blown up into pieces, with no chance to prove to him how sorry I am?"

"First of all, you're not going to get blown into pieces. And second… you've proven that you're sorry."

"What?"

"You've proven to him, and to everyone at Seattle, how sorry you are, and how hard you're trying to make things work out."

"How? I haven't even proven it to myself yet. I don't think my efforts are seen or appreciated so I believe they're not enough." She sighed, wondering how in the world, if she made it out of here alive, she would let her husband know how sorry she truly was.

"You moving to Seattle, giving up your practice, your friends, your family, your home, your _life_ in New York, to me, you've given so much. That's sorry enough. You've proven to all of us here how much you want things to work out with Derek. You've shown your priorities; that Derek is so much more important than anything you had in New York. And if he doesn't see that, then it's his loss."

"He won't lose anything, Preston. He's already gained a lot here in Seattle. Meredith, most especially."

"But he hasn't gained respect outside of his doctoral capabilities. True, he is a good surgeon. But what people here in Seattle see is a man who cannot choose between two women, toying around with the both of you and stringing you along. What they see is coward."

Addison looked up at him. She recognized the truth behind his words, the meaning of all of it weighing down on her. She had practically given up everything she thought was important to her, because in the end, having everything in New York would mean nothing without Derek Shepherd. She hated herself for associating herself with him too much, but Derek was her weakness.

_It took Addison a couple of moments to compose herself after Derek's heartfelt vow. She took a deep breath as she held Derek's hand tightly. "I honestly have all the right things to say and I practiced it so much last night, but now I can't really remember anything I've written on the post-it so forgive me" she said, her voice shaky as the audience laughed. Looking into Derek's blue eyes, she started._

_"Do you remember how, when we were on one of our late night strolls outside the Science Building, you asked me how someone knew if he or she was 'the one'? And I told you that I didn't know? Well, I know now, Derek. I know that you're my 'one'. You have changed my life; my views and who I was from the day you first asked me out. You showed me how it is feel, to be human, that it's not all about strength and independence. It's also about caring, stopping to smell the roses, and living everyday as if it were my last. You showed me things I could only imagine, opened my eyes to the possibility of forever. And now, Derek Shepherd, I believe in forever. I believe in forever with you, and that's what I'm promising right now. I promise to stick with you for better or for worse, to love you and care for you, to cherish you and honor, to keep you in my heart forever. I promise that no matter what happens, I will stay by your side and love you unconditionally. You are my soul mate, Derek, the love of my life, and I am the luckiest girl on the planet to have been so blessed to have you. I promise you forever, a forever of happiness, of understanding, of loyalty and trust. This, Derek, is my solemn vow to you. I love you."_

_She took his hand and slipped the ring on his finger, admiring it while exhaling. "Take this ring as a sign of my love and loyalty." She looked up at his eyes, which were, by then, starting to tear up. And she knew right there and then, that she was at home, that this was their life together now, and that she wouldn't want it any other way._

Derek was startled by the memory. He was still working on Tucker, but it appears as if his mind flew to the certain redhead he has promised the world to. Today was their anniversary, and he had remembered. He was planning to take her out to dinner, pretend to have forgotten but surprise her with a romantic 5-course meal at a fancy hotel he knew she would enjoy. They weren't by all means okay, but he was trying to make up for forgetting the past years. But now, he wasn't even sure they'd make it out of the OR alive. His wife was currently held captive by a careless bomb, and he felt so helpless. It took all his willpower to not run out of here himself and cradle his wife in his arms.

"Doctor Shepherd?" Cristina asked tentatively.

"Yang?"

"The chief is asking how much longer you'll need. He says the wing should have been vacated by now."

"I'm almost done. Give me about 10 more minutes then you can close him up and wheel him to recovery. You can all go."

"What about you, sir?"

"I'm not leaving my wife, Doctor Yang. I'm sure you understand."

Cristina looked at the man sympathetically, a rare show of emotion on her part. "Of course, sir." She then proceeded to call the chief, informing him of Derek's decision.

Ten minutes later, Cristina was stitching Tucker up and wheeling him to recovery, leaving Derek alone. But soon after they had left, Derek practically ran to the next OR, Addison the only thing on his mind. He hurried past the other rooms as the automatic door to the OR in which Addison was in opened. Burke and Addison looked up at him as he panted heavily, his eyes piercing Addison's fearful ones.

"Derek." Burke stared at Derek. "I need you to step aside and create as little movement as possible." Derek just continued looking at Addie as he tried to hold back his tears. He began to rush forward, but Burke put a steady hand on his shoulder. "You have to know the gravity of the situation, Derek."

"The gravity of the situation is that my wife's hand is currently inside the chest cavity of a man. Said hand is holding a bomb which she cannot let go of because then, it would explode. She could... she could.." He couldn't bring himself to say it. His panic was beginning to show.

"Yes. And the bomb," he said calmly "is a make-shift one. Which means that any sudden movement could cause it to explode. Do you hear me Derek?"

Derek looked absolutely mortified. His wife, his Addie, was in a much more dangerous situation than he had thought. This fucking man could kill his wife because he sported goddamn bombs!

"Derek.." Her voice sounded fragile, almost pleading.

Burke whispered. "It would be best if you talked to her about something to get her mind off of the situation. She's bordering on hysteria and I know you're the only to keep her sane."

Derek nodded walked over the other end of the table, adjacent Addison. He looked at her with eyes full of love and fear, it made her heart swell a bit. "Addison.."

She looked down, trying to hold back the tears.

"It's our anniversary today" he stated. "Twelve years of marriage." Her eyes met his and she looked somewhat relieved. He didn't forget. "And after we walk out of here, Addie, it would be twelve years and counting." He meant it, of course. He wanted to grow old with her. It just made him feel like an ass that it took her almost dying for him to see her, to notice her and realize how much he loved her.

"You remembered.", she whispered, smiling a bit. Twelve years and counting sounded good..

"I did. And I was going to surprise you with a lovely dinner tonight. But that's just part of the surprise so….. I need you to stay strong." He looked pleadingly at her, trying to fight his own tears. The calm facade was slowly deteriorating. "I need you to fight and do whatever it takes to get out of here alive. You have to Addison. Please don't give up, don't lose hope. Because……" He choked back the sobs as his tears cascaded down his cheeks unashamedly. "because I don't know how I'd live without you. I don't know how in the world I would survive. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me this to realize how much I can't spend a day without you but it's true. I love you so goddamn much Addison. I'm sorry I was an ass, but this time I promise I'll be better. This time." Derek was openly sobbing now, and it took all of Addison's willpower to not reach out to him. She had to remind herself that she was still in a life and death situation and she couldn't just be weak.

"I... I'm trying to stay strong, Der. I mean.... you're here now and now I'm more determined to be... strong."

"I promised you, remember? I promised you I'd stay by your side through everything. And so far, I haven't been keeping my end of the bargain. But now, now I'm going to be the man you fell in love with and we'll be happy. I just want you to be happy, Addie."

"I believe you, Derek.", she said, her eyes full of trust.

Burke cleared his throat. The bomb squad was behind him, ready to take the patient to the next OR, where there was less considerable damage to be made if the worst ever came. Addison looked at them and nodded. The head of the team carefully pushed Derek aside, slowly but surely leading Addison outside, while wheeling the patient.

Derek's eyes stayed transfixed on Addison. A member of the squad held a restraining hand on him. As a safety precaution, only Addison and the head of team were to move the man, and then they would carefully take Addison's hand outside of the man's chest cavity so she could go freely. There was a lump in Derek's throat. He felt like his Addie was undertaking a death march, and he was being kept from helping her. He knew she was scared, but for his sake and everyone else's, she was trying to stay strong. His mind tried to focus on something else other than the nagging fear at the back of his head.

_"Derek, where in the world are you taking me?" She sounded so giggly, her eyes covered by a blindfold as they drove to a place Derek had been adamant about keeping a secret of._

_"Just wait, honey. I promise you, you'll love it." He was driving his worn-out truck to a beautiful spot he'd discovered a few weeks ago._

_"I'll love it hmm?" she said, trying the pry the blindfold away from her eyes._

_"Yes. But don't ruin the surprise Addie. Just.. humor me on this one and behave for a while okay?" He batted her hand away from the blindfold._

_She huffed. "Alright, fine. But I'm not happy about this, just so you know." She pouted a bit, and he laughed, reaching over to take her hand, bringing it to his lips for a quick kiss._

_"You'll love for this, Adds."_

_"I already do." He smiled, knowing full well she meant it. This was why he was confident. He was going to ask her to marry him tonight, under the stars. And he was nervous and excited all at once._

_"I know. And I love you, too. Now, just stay still for a while okay? We're almost there."_

_The drove for about twenty more minutes before Derek pulled over at a quaint beach outside of town. It was already 7pm, and the sun had just set, the stars beginning to shine in the sky._

_"Okay. You can't take off your blindfold yet." He got out of the car and escorted her to a big rock. "You sit down here for a while. I just have to do something." The excitement was evident in his voice._

_"Are you sure you're not out here to leave me to die or something? Maybe, I don't know.. kidnapping me or whatever?"_

_"Ha-ha Addison. That's very funny."_

_"I know" she said cheekily. "I'm a funny girl. That's why you love me."_

_"No, you're funny because I love you." She grinned, trying to decipher where in the world they were._

_"Alright. Are you ready, Adds?"_

_"Oh please, Derek. I was born ready."_

_He laughed heartily and gently took the blindfold off. Once her eyes adjusted to her surroundings, she surveyed the area with a big smile, admiring the ocean illuminated only by the soft glow of the moon and thousands of starts up in the night sky. "Derek….. it's beautiful.", she gasped, still in awe at her surroundings._

_"Just like you," he whispered, looking directly at her. She blushed at his compliment before noticing the picnic mat neatly set-up with a variety of food. She walked over to Derek and gave him a big hug. "Do you like it?" he asked._

_"I love it." She kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you."_

_"I love you too. Now… are you interested to know what I packed us for dinner?" he asked, leading her to the mat. They sat down as Derek poured them each a glass of wine. "First off, I got you your favorite salad from the deli a block away from our apartment." She smiled approvingly. "For our entrée, I made us grilled salmon with vegetables and mashed potatoes."_

_"It sounds good, Chef.", she teased._

_"That's not it, yet though. For dessert, I had my mom bake her delicious apple pie. I know how much you love her apple pie."_

_"You sure know how to please a woman, Dr. Shepherd. Your mom's pie is divine."_

_"Well, wait till you taste my salmon. It's divine, too you know."_

_"I have no doubt of that, Derek."_

_He kissed her lightly on the cheek. "I also got us some juju", holding out a thermos._

_They ate in a comfortable silence, occasionally feeding each other. Their gazes met a couple of times and they shyly looked to the ground. Anyone who'd have seen them would've known how much they were in love with each other._

_Addison's head lay on Derek's stomach after they had eaten. She busy staring at the sky, admiring the beauty of the stars and wishing on every single one of them. Derek shifted a bit and reached into his pocket, grabbing a hold of the ring he had saved up for for quite a while._

_"So Addie, I was thinking.."_

_"Hmm?"_

_"I was thinking about the five wonderful years we've had together and I realized just how much I love you."_

_"I'm offended, Dr. Shepherd," she said teasingly. "Five years and you're only realizing all that now?"_

_He laughed as he sat up, pulling Addison into a sitting position as well. "Well, if it weren't for that fact that you were so cheeky, I would have realized it sooner." He received a playful slap on the chest for that. "But anyway.. I've been having all these soul-searching things for a couple of days and I realized how much I've changed since I met you. You've changed me, Addison Montgomery. For the better. And I love you so much that it would be impossible for me to live without you. You're my constant, the love of my life and I was wondering if…you would like to spend the rest of your life with me." He looked at her as he flashed the beautiful ring in front of her, her eyes starting to tear up._

_"Oh my god. I wasn't expect this tonight." She was shocked._

_"I love you Addie. And you would make me the happiest man on earth if you would agree to be my wife. Please, Adds. Please say yes. Say you'll marry me." He looked at her expectantly. He was nervous. His heart was beating triple time as he waited for an answer._

_"I…" She looked at him with so much love and devotion. "Yes", she finally said. "Yes, Derek Shepherd, I will marry you" She smiled so radiantly at him, and he felt a goofy grin tug at the corners of his lips. He slipped the ring on her finger and stood up, bring Addie to his feet. He hugged her and kissed senseless and lifted her off the ground a bit and twirled her. She giggled in delight as Derek set her down on the ground, still holding her close._

_"Thank you, Addie. You don't know how happy you've made me.", he said into her neck._

_"You've made me so happy, too Derek. I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you."_

Derek's heart swelled at the memory of the night he proposed. She looked so beautiful then. The night was perfect and he couldn't have wished for any other turn-out. He stood outside of the OR where his wife was. They were in the process of carefully getting the Addison's hand out, together with the bomb. All time seemed to stand still for Derek as he held his breath. One wrong move and they could all be sent to pieces.

Inside the OR, Addison's feet were barely keeping still. She was anxious and all the emotional build-up was starting to take its toll.

"Alright Dr. Shepherd. On the count of three, you carefully twist your wrist a couple of angles and you slowly pull out your hand. You have to do this with utmost care. This is the most crucial part."

She nodded, understanding full well the implications of his statement.

"Okay. On the count of three. 1…. 2…3…"

Addison's hand moved gracefully. Although she was shaking, she was careful to keep her arm steady. Everyone's breath was held as she slowly but surely removed the bomb, her hand clutching it tightly.

When it was finally out, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. She handed the bomb to the team leader slowly before running out to hallway shakily, where Derek was pacing, waiting for her.

"Derek!"

The second he heard her voice, relief filled his body and he ran towards her, taking her into his arms and sobbing into her neck.

"Addison. Oh dear god, Addison." He was sobbing, releasing all the pain, all the hurt, all the worry. He was ready to get a second chance with Addison.

Addison, too, had trouble keeping her emotions at bay. She was thankful she was alive, Derek in her arms. She was shaking furiously, holding onto to Derek tightly, never wanting to let go.

"Thank god you're okay, Addie. Thank god. I mean I…. I don't how I would have lived without you. But I'm glad I never have to find out because you're here now. You're here and you're safe and unharmed. I love you Addie. I love you so much. I love you." He kept on repeating how much he loved Addison. He truly did, and in that moment, nothing else mattered.

Addison sensed the bomb squad heading in their direction. He pulled Derek to the stairwell and they briskly ran down to the ER, where everybody, including the chief, was awaiting them.

As they ran down, Addison felt the need to touch Derek, so she grabbed his hand, to which he smiled and kissed her quickly on the cheek.

They got to the ground floor, and the doors burst open as they ran out, panting and out of breath, but happy to be safe. The chief and Adele ran over to them, Adele quickly bringing Addison to an embrace.

"Oh honey. You must have been scared up there. But you're safe now and that's all that matters", Adele whispered.

Addison smiled chastely. "Thank you.. I … I'm just glad someone" he looked pointedly at Derek, "didn't leave me."

Adele looked at Derek and smiled. She knew he was coming to his senses.

After the initial buzz of their arrival, Derek pulled Addison into an empty exam room while they started to freshen up. Addison moved around the room, fixing herself up while Derek sat on the exam bed, looking at Addie intently.

"Seeing you there today.. I thought my heart was going to stop beating.", he said quietly, his gaze falling to the ground. "I thought for sure I was going to lose you. And the pain.. the pain that came with that felt like a thousand knives stabbing at my heart."

Addison looked at him sympathetically. "I thought I was going to die, too.", she admitted quietly. "But the thought of you made me strong. The thought of seeing you again, of proving to you how sorry I am for.. everything.. it just made me want to fight. And then seeing you there... seeing you _care.. _I missed that and the want to have you care for me like that again made me want to live even more."

Derek stood up and pulled Addie into an embrace. "I love you Addison. And I'm lucky to have a chance with you, again. I'm sorry I screwed up. But I promise you this time I'm working my ass off to make us work. I promise." They stayed like that for a while before Derek started to speak again. "And for the record, honey, I'll always care. No matter what happens. You have my word."

She smiled at him and nodded. She believed him. Believed that they had a chance to redeem themselves, to pick up the pieces of their marriage and make it all work out. "Happy anniversary, Derek."

"Happy anniversary, Addie.", he said as he leaned in to kiss her. Because Derek knew that there was no one else he'd rather stand with in the end than Addison, the love of his life. They would always be by each other's side.

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Sooo... How'd you like it? Let me know what you think! :)


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